Passport Bros: The pursuit of choice

Happy New Year, bros and aspiring bros. As you already know, those of us who choose to seek a better life overseas often face vilification. The most common argument is that we are desperate men who couldn’t find women in our home countries. Perhaps that's true for some, but I wholeheartedly disagree with that being the case for the majority of us. Ultimately, we all want choices to make the best decisions for ourselves. Before delving into my main point, let me present some statistics that support my perspective:

• The top 20% of men on dating apps in the U.S. receive attention from the top 80% of women. 

• The bottom 80% of men have to fight for the remaining 20% of women. 

• 75% of Tinder users are male, while 24% are female. I suspect the other 1% are the non-binaries. 

One doesn't need a degree in statistics to notice the wide inequality between men and women on these apps. If you're not in the top 20% of men, you're vying for attention from only 4.8% of the user base. And that's assuming you're on the higher end of that 80%. A woman of equal attractiveness has a significantly broader array of options than you.

I'm fortunate to have the privilege of choice. When I lived in the U.S., I would match (80%) with people I found "average," occasionally encountering someone (20%) I considered "above average." This trend extended to in-person interactions. But the hoops I had to jump through with them felt excessive. While living and traveling abroad, I no longer feel compelled to put anyone on a pedestal unless I choose to.

The other day, I went on a date with a stunning European girl resembling Alexandra Daddario. Drop-dead gorgeous. During our coffee date, as I reached for my phone to pay, she quickly covered the bill for both of us. Later, when we had wine, I made sure to be at the cashier first to pay. On the second round, she got there before me again. So, after dinner, I got up to settle the bill to prevent her from paying. This scenario would rarely occur in the U.S. (never happened). Understandably, a woman of her caliber often has men eager to cater to her, leaving her with no need to lift a finger.

Throughout the night, we kissed when the opportunity arose. Here’s the catch—she smoked, and I don't. Countless women state in their bios or explicitly mention "no smokers." That's choice. I confidently thought to myself, "I'm not sure if this will work out." I detest the smell of cigarettes, and though she did a good job at concealing the smell with gum and perhaps the alcohol in my system made it less noticeable as well. However, after every smoke break, I would get a whiff of it when we would make-out. At the end of the night, I had the choice and confidence to not pursue it. It wasn’t the end of the world for me, nor was it the end of the world for her. We were operating on the same playing field. There will be someone else for her as attractive (or more given how gorgeous she was). And there will be and have been for me. 

This is something that gets lost on those who criticize passport bros. It’s not about going overseas to find desperate women who want to go to the U.S. because I was in a somewhat affluent European country. This girl and others have said to me “I don’t want to go to the U.S. because you have lots of guns and no healthcare.” The idea that everyone wants to come to the U.S. is some delusional patriotic mindset. 

I have always had standards like “most” of you when it comes to women, but those were primarily physical. Being a passport bro has allowed me to truly look for someone who is compatible outside of physical attributes. This is the choice that a lot more women seem to have in the states over their male counterparts. 

Conclusion

A fundamental aspect of being a passport bro revolves around choice. You only have one life—don’t let anyone make you feel guilty for wanting more for yourself.

Alrighty homies, that’s all I have for you this week. Enjoy the week!